| so i am still alive.
believe it or not.
sorry to have disappeared for so long but things are going quite well.
northern california is as beautiful as they warned... the jobs is intense but worthwhile, the coworkers amazing, the boyfriend a nice surprise, the free-time much needed.
the distance from family, however, leaves me wishing for something more. someday.
so if you're ever in the northern cali area, give me a call. stop by for a visit and i'll let you crash on a friend's couch. still working out finding a place for myself... gotta save up some cash first.
keep me posted on your lives, livejournal loves... i promise to do better at keeping up.
lovelovelove | comments: 4 comments or Leave a comment   |
| so i finally took the advice of an honest friend, got off my lazy butt, and started applying places. because seriously. asheville might be lonely, but i like it here... a lot. and the only way to fix that lonely piece is to get out and meet people, constantly rave about how wonderful it is here to people i love who live elsewhere hoping that they'll some day come to their senses and join me here, or run away.
i will not run away. not yet, anyway.
so i took some proactive steps and ended up with a part-time job at mast general store right downtown in asheville.
i am pumped. thoroughly.
still a little lonely, but i'm planning a trip up to manchester this week and then i go to california for my cousin's wedding for ten days and HOPEFULLY get to see erin and some other friends there, too. and then i take a week up the east coast to see some family and friends in the dc/maryland/virginia area. and then i come back down here and start my fabulous job.
does it get much better than that?
heh. at least i hope it turns out to be as fabulous as it seems. the people seem to be really down to earth and very sincere... and there are bunches of college-aged people who seem energetic and eager to get to know their coworkers.
i am a happy camper.
PLUS! they have a full outfitting section downstairs of camping gear and all the good things i'll need if i'm ever going to become a serious backpacker like i've been dreaming for the past two months... so hopefully i'll get a nice hefty discount and expand my lovely collection of outdoor gear.
woot woot.
now. come join me (and kris and lil!!!) in the land of fun and fabulousness that is western north carolina.
mmmhmm... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| so it's taken awhile to get over that whole "there is no job" thing.
i'm not really that upset about not having the job, it's just that they dragged me through the mud about it and pretty much ruined my chances of getting a summer job. and made it so i'd end up spending three weeks at home, and right now that seems a bit unfair.
but i've got a couple things brewing now, so i'm feeling a bit better. thanks to friends who make fun of me for not having any friends and encouraging me to get off my lazy ass and do something with my life.
i'm leaving things up to the fates, generally. it's a good way to run my life. i sit around bored until i can't take it anymore, go make some choices and put in some applications, and then wait for something to come through.
so right now it's either a coffeeshop here or a nanny job in maryland. and if neither of those work out, i'll be applying for coffeeshop jobs in northern va and living at my dear sweet grandmother's house.
seriously. i think my life is okay.
debating whether or not to go through with another trip to manchester next week. i think i'll do it. maybe actually get to the dunes this time.
we'll see. i think my new car deserves a full-fledged roadtrip with me. we haven't had that time to really bond yet. though the parkway was a good start... | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Time: | 10:56 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/sad_sp.gif) crushed |
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| | there is no job. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| "home" is lonely.
how weird is it to admit i miss indiana? not so much the place, but those friggin' people. it's just not fair for a place as cool as asheville to have very few people i love in it. dang.
still waiting to hear about the job. it's getting beyond frustrating to not know yet. there's no way to plan anything about my life without some sort of definite from them. hopefully tomorrow...
i'm craving a hike. i think i'll go out and about in the mountains tomorrow. why yes, yes i will.
coffeeshops are great, i just wish i didn't need them to keep me from feeling alone.
anybody need a vacation destination? come on down...
lovelovelove for those i miss... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| so i know there's so much i could say right now. it's been way too long since i last updated and pretty much my entire life has changed in the past month... but really. it's too much to process at this point. i'm trying really hard to just let things happen and take them as they come. life's more exciting that way.
choir tour was fun. surprisingly. i had a great time with the caitlin and of course i miss her already, but after a week in a van with her it was somehow a bit easier to say farewell for now. i made an interesting bond with someone i expected to despise, and that always feels good. all in all a superb experience. and my voice stayed strong, despite many many tears and others being sick.
now i'm crashing at rachel and sarah's with aaron and andrew. for an undetermined number of days.
i love it. it feels like home and i pretty much don't want to leave ever.
but this too will pass, even the good.
and i'm waiting to hear back about the goddamn job on campus. somehow it's going to take anywhere from a week to ten days to determine what they're willing to offer and who is worthy of being offered said offer.
i hope it's me?
ick change.
my life is pleasant for now. hugs whenever i want them, a clean kitchen, a comfy bed, and time to reconsolidate all my crap before trekking back to carolina.
hooray for summer and barefeet and running in hoses. mmmm and gardens... mmmm... | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i'm tired.
i think i have a sinus infection.
there are ten(ish) people laughing very loudly in my living room.
i love them all dearly but i just want to sleep.
why? | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | dooz's recital cd. love it love it love it. | | Time: | 11:38 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/sleepy_sp.gif) sleepy |
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| so i'm absolutely exhausted from a long weekend of the messiah. i think two performances of that entire piece in two days should be outlawed.
vocally fatigued. *whew*
it was so rough waking up this morning, especially after keeping myself up way too late last night. i tried so hard to get my senior seminar reading response written but there were absolutely no coherent thoughts in my head by the time we got back from south bend. so strange. and then all i could think to do was go practice for my recital for an hour, keeping me up even later.
jeezes i'm dumb.
but getting my practice cd from debra for my swedish and french songs was just a bit too intriguing to pass up. and i did get a lot of memorization work done on the bellini pieces, so i'm happy. hopefully my incoherentness won't affect my ability to remember everything i memorized that night. we'll see.
tomorrow is my senior comprehensive interview. yes, i'm slightly nervous. but more excited than anything else. how often do i get abby and robert to myself for an entire hour? both of them!? *whew* it'll be pretty sweet... i am a little anxious about it just because i have no clue what to expect. and also because i'm worried about getting emotional. i feel like i haven't been letting things hit me lately and some day soon it's all going to come crashing down on me.
kinda like this weekend.
my birthday party was fantastic. rubik's cube theme and all, people seemed to have a good time. except for two poor first year girls. jon and cameron's bathroom got some pretty good use, i guess. i ended up in all white, thanks to chris's gigantic white cutoff tshirt and katie's baggy thriftstore white shorts... man, it was nice. dancing, running around making sure everyone was having a good time, getting excellent happy birthday wishes, etc. so all in all it was a fabulous night.
until things came crashing down on me. not in a bad way, i guess... just all at once. my roommate wasn't feeling well and as i walked her to the front door on her way home and shut the door behind her i just started bawling. i stood there with my head up against the front door for ten minutes just crying and crying and crying.
because seriously.
it's insane how much i'm going to miss her.
and it's just not fair.
so yeah. that scares me. times like that. ouch.
outta nowhere.
i guess that's it for now. that's kind of a strange event to post, i guess... it just needed to be put in writing.
oh, and on that list of crazy ex-boyfriend things... got an invitation to another ex's wedding next month. who knew?
garhghargahragh.
goodnight moon. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | yo yo ma. hehehe. because "at night he plays the cello"... | | Subject: | drama free drama free... | | Time: | 11:52 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/pensive_sp.gif) pensive |
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| graduation is almost a month away exactly.
that intimidates me more than i expected... but i'm just gonna sit with it for awhile...
so i was doing really well with this whole "drama-free" thing. REALLY well.
and then the person who inspired the drama free thing in the first place had to go and bring in some drama. what's with that?
i'm alright. no, scratch that, i'm fabulous. my life is where i want it right now and i'm living up my last few weeks on campus. i'm done with my senior portfolio and all my other major assignments, i just have a few more papers to finish, a presentation, and two finals. seriously. that's it. oh, except for that whole recital thing. dammit. that's stressing me out a bit, but mostly because i'm so excited about it and have no time to practice this week. argh. come see it. that'll make me feel better.
may 11th. 7:30pm. wine recital hall.
but anyway, as i was saying... life is good right now. i have no idea where i'm living this summer or next year... i know where i want to live but have to work out all the details. and while that's a bit frustrating, it's also awfully exciting. i'm a grown-up. a grown-up that's running off to live with her best friend's parents for a summer and then come right back to campus for a poorly paying but awesome job. *sigh* is that really the grown-up thing to do with my life? who knows.... but for right now it sounds perfect.
so yeah. unwanted drama and all, i'm happy.
can i add that weird things are happening all around me, though?
my ex-boyfriend had a baby.
my other ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend got a boob job.
another ex-boyfriend has some crazy patterns going on... oh, but wait, yet another is struggling to accept the patterns in his life that really aren't so crazy.
one of my dearest friends who has always been such a stability factor in my life is struggling. i hate to watch it and would do anything to make it better... he just deserves so much better.
people keep getting engaged.
life just moves so quickly... strange strange strange. and when did i end up with so many exes? hehehe. i don't mind. makes me feel like i've accomplished something in life. hah. that's ironic.
the inn was awesome last night. spent some quality time with people i care about quite a bit. always a fun thing to drink with paul. we just go way back through such a variety of times... weird.
okay, i've had too much coffee this morning to be posting. before i'm done you'll all know everything there is to know about me and more. darnit... no mysteries with myra ;-)
love to all. and just a head's up: i'm craving hugs, so if i jump you around campus, don't be surprised. :-) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| so i'm feeling pretty good these days...
it was an amazing weekend up in ann arbor. dooz is so fabulous. pretty red dress, amazing music, fun people... jeezes. flashbacks to high school, too. weird. but good. feels like some things have come full circle. especially me crying in another senior recital. nothing new there, it's just been awhile.
*sigh* how are all my friends so friggin' talented?
www.amykbormet.com, by the way...
it's good to be back on campus. it was a horrible weekend to leave and i'm feeling a bit disconnected from some of the people i care about most. i'm not sure how to fix that, but i'm doing my best. it's good to know the drag show went so well and people had so much fun, but it's hard to know i missed it all. argh. when will technology give us the ability to be in more than one place at a time? i mean really... time doesn't exist anyway, right?
i go home for easter this wednesday. i'm pumped about it, but again, feeling like there's not enough time left to do everything i want to do on campus and yet again i'm being run off somewhere else. it'll be nice to relax, i'm sure, but i'll definitely feel like i'm missing out on some things here that i'd really love to be doing. ick.
on a completely different note... i'm very proud of myself for not taking things too seriously right now. somehow committing to a drama-less rest of the year was a good and easy move for me. it's amazing how many things fall into place when you expect them to and are able to step back and let them. nice nice nice.
have a good week all, and HAPPY BIRTHDAY CHRIS PALSGROVE!
:) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| so i can't stop eating... it's strange, i've never had this problem for this long a period of time before. but for the past week or so... really since we got back from spring break, i just haven't been able to stop eating. weird.
i guess late night trips to hardees don't help anything. and having chips lying around the house.
jeeze.
i wouldn't mind except then i feel like crap all the time... too full. ickity
it's been a strange weekend. flew by. three choir concerts will do that, i guess. there were some definite highlights to the weekend. sleeping in and getting some work done on my senior portfolio... plus finding out i'm really good at something i've always been hesitant to do. i think it's best to leave that one vague tonight.
here's hoping it's a good week. i don't have too many weeks left in my college experience and i'd really like for them all to be good.
*sigh*
sentimental, anyone? | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | some nick drake that reminds me of van-sleeping | | Time: | 08:00 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/working_sp.gif) busy |
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| a quick update as another way of procrastinating...
this senior seminar paper is just too much to bear right now. especially since i have play practice in an hour and my coffee is all gone.
*sigh*
spring break was incredible. simply incredible. there really aren't words to describe it... it was just amazing to get away, completely away, and give myself permission to do some physical work instead of emotional work. i've never thought to take a break from emotional work, but wow. it does a lot of good.
and who knew utah could be so beautiful? it's friggin' utah! but still... i was blown away. and i'm pretty much sold on this whole backpacking thing. watch out world, here comes myra... backpack strapped on and not budging!! where to next? any suggestions or adventurous companions are always welcome. i'm ready for another adventure...
today was a wake up call though. slammed in the face with more emotional work. dammit. not to mention the academic work i left to do tonight instead of taking with me to utah.
looking forward to getting this paper done and escaping to hardees for a study break with my roommate.
i've missed her.
so as my thoughts are stuck on all the emotional crap i've been putting off my entire life, i'm going to attempt to write about cultural capital and socio-economic status and college success.
dammit.
at least some things make sense. i just wish they were things that would matter beyond this semester. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | rent in my living room... | | Time: | 01:46 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/awake_sp.gif) pleased |
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| one day of the week done... three more to go.
i can do this.
every day i get one step closer to spring break. completely and totally do-able.
life is good. i've got some things figured out right now that i wasn't really expecting.
i'd like to reiterate how wonderful it is to hang out with people my own age again. and while i have a strong appreciation for passionate people... man... there's just a huge difference between passion and drama. HUGE.
sometimes i forget that.
i definitely need a nice combination of the two. and more of the former than the latter, of course.
wow.
tomorrow's seminar and a voice lesson. i'm sure there will be more to say afterwards. recital is gonna be either the 13th or 20th of may. hopefully.
i'll keep you posted.
hoping everyone out in lj land is doing well. miss you all. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| ... and nothing like more senior seminar work to start another week!!
at least it's a short week. a short week ending with a fabulously exciting roadtrip to UTAH.
oh jeeze'em'pete am i pumped. i went shopping with jon and cameron today for hiking boots and wow did i get hooked up.
symbolic interactionism proves it... if i look like a hiker, i'll soon enough become one.
no turning back.
it's gonna be tough to focus this week. but hopefully i can make it through two more intense days of senior seminar work, a day of review for my lit midterm, and then gettin' my self all set for ten days of camping/hiking/backpacking hardcore.
oh man. can you tell i'm excited?
and seriously... it's amazing how everything just falls into place. yes, i spent more than i wanted to on hiking boots, but wow are they nice. and then i didn't have to buy a hiking pack because sarah has hers here and won't be using it (along with her sleeping mat, which i also didn't have to purchase... sweet deal). THEN, i didn't have to buy a rain/wind proof jacket because nicole has one and won't be using it. and THEN, rachel gets back into town and yes, yes, it's fine for me to borrow her sleeping bag.
good lord. if i say it's too perfect will something go wrong?
i hope not...
okay enough giddyness. i just finished my reading response for seminar and i should definitely get a good night's sleep tonight. i may go pick up a jacket and cell phone left at party central last night. wow. what a weekend!
thank goodness i'm feeling better. :-) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | erin's hairdryer in the bathroom. | | Time: | 01:48 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/sick_sp.gif) sick |
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| ick ick i'm sick.
my lungs feel like they're going to explode. not a good feeling for a singer... or anyone, really.
it's been an exhausting week thus far, but i think things will finally start slowing down after today. i still have an entire book to read by tomorrow at 6pm, but that's a lot better than having to deal with all the seminar crap. at least until the weekend.
*sigh*
things for this summer and next year are making way too much sense. hopefully i'll be able to make them all happen since they're sounding so good to me. maybe i should get off my lazy butt and put in some inquiries and whatnot. who knows...
though waiting until the last minute seems to have served me well for spring break plans... that's not a good routine to start, but still. utah sounds so ideal to me right now. it's amazing how things tend to work themselves out.
there's that eternal optimist showing her ugly head again. maybe it's because the sun is shining.
either way, i'm sick and it sucks so i'm going to go pout, read, and fall asleep while attempting to keep myself from coughing up a lung.
wish me luck :-) | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | a silent house... bedtime. | | Time: | 02:36 am | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/exhausted_sp.gif) drained |
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| it's been a decent weekend.
i'm going to try to keep this short because it's ungodly late and i'm ungodly tired. i just feel like i left things a little cynical and after a weekend like this one i need to balance it out a bit.
amy's party was incredible. SO much fun... hard to explain unless you were there... but there was a lot of random nakedness, dancing around the campfire, piling into the hot tub, drinking some fabulous mixed drinks, eating chocolate, chips and dip, and other fabulous goodies, DANCING, some cuddling, and only slight amounts of drama. at least for me.
the orchestra concert was fun today, too... though i had trouble enjoying it knowing i had so much work to do... that always makes me feel guilty. somehow practicing voice lesson stuff for two hours afterwards doesn't make me feel as guilty. that's silly.
i also did get to go shopping yesterday. and i did spend more than i had planned on spending, but i didn't overdo it too much. heck, i've got a job, i should be able to do this... right? hah. ah well, at least i'm comfortable with it.
so i'm happy. it was good to space out for awhile and i even managed to get my work done. barely, but it's done. hopefully i'll sleep well tonight so i have energy to prepare myself for the rest of the week tomorrow.
feeling slightly disconnected from some people. also feeling strangely reconnected to some other people. funny how not hanging out with first years as much makes me feel my age.
i've come a long way in four years.
i am damn proud of that.
goodnight moon. | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| i'm not really sure why, but tonight was rough.
maybe it's exhaustion again, but somehow i didn't do too well at covering up depression tonight.
*sigh*
and i'd been doing so well!!
ick ick ick.
anyway. i'm fine. i just need to go to bed so i can wake up to do yet another sociology assignment that i'm not feeling up to doing. only to finish and spend the afternoon wasting more money than i have to spend on things i don't really need just to cover up the fact that i feel like crap. then i'll go to amy's birthday party and have a blast with my friends, all the while remembering how alone i feel. all the friggin' time.
i do love my friends. i love that aaron and i danced like heteros at the dance tonight. i love that i can hear them... erin, aaron, caitlin, russell and others walking up to our house right this very moment... laughing, singing, and cussing up a storm *amy must be here!*
my friends are amazing...
and they can always get me through...
i just wish i could brush this off a little easier. whatever it is.
ick. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | norma and adalgisa's duet running through my head. | | Subject: | less sociology today... | | Time: | 07:30 pm | | Current Mood: | ![[mood icon]](http://l-stat.livejournal.com/img/mood/moonsis/stars/purple/singing_sp.gif) jubilant |
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| finally a day not dominated with sociology.
i'm not complaining (i'm attempting to give up complaining for lent... har har), but it is noteworthy that today has been a day with very little sociological involvement. no soc classes, only a tiny bit of soc reading, and then also just a tiny bit of working on a soc essay due tomorrow. so far, so good.
until i get home and have to actually write the soc essay. ick. maybe i'll just wake up really early and finish it tomorrow. that way i truly will have a 24 hour break. ah.
today's been a music day for me. i slept in really late because erin and i were up crazy late last night, as we are every night... and i woke up to shower, drink lots of water to make up for the numerous non-water beverages of which i partook last evening, drink a bit of coffee, eat some corn dogs, and go to VOICE LESSON...
can i just tell you... i absolutely adore voice lessons. james makes fun of me for getting so excited about voice lessons, but really, they are a gift from the goddess of goodness. i love them. and today was especially wonderful. yesterday in vocal ped class, debra got really excited about looking at our hard palates (wow, that sounds dirty...) but really, we spent much of the class period looking into each others mouths and discussing shapes of hard palates and how that can determine the type of tone you can get out of your voice. well... i guess my mouth is full of surprises because she still can't stop talking about the high, deep, narrow arch of my hard palate.
fabulous.
it's changed how we're handling my voice training. a whole new technique for this mezzo. *whew*
so today's lesson was filled with "ooooh!" moments and excited expressions and lots of laughing and blushing because i never knew those grown-up, busty woman noises could come out of my body. yes, yes, it's true. i believe i am definitely embracing my mezzo self.
maybe i'll write a goodbye letter to the soprano self that could have been.
so after my lesson i spent the afternoon/evening listening to marilyn horne, mezzo-extraordinaire. i love her. i love all of this crazy opera world. and i absolutely adore this gorgeous duet from bellini's "norma." i think it's a goal in my life to perform that. with my aunt marsha. or some other amazing soprano, but i love my aunt marsha and if i'm ever up to her level of singing, that would be the piece for us to perform together.
life goal #896. approximately.
okay i'll end this now. i apologize for being such a complete and total music nerd. i just absolutely adore it.
*sigh* | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
| another long, sociology-filled day.
i guess that's a good thing to have continuously for my final semester as a sociology major. it's just intense!!
exhaustion makes it hard to decipher what i'm feeling lately. i think that's okay.
my real feelings these days might scare me. perhaps it's better to let them be a mystery.
had my first experience as a music recruiter for manchester today. interesting. i can't believe how intimidating phone calls can be. i know it won't take long to get the hang of it, but jeeze, it's a lot of pressure! at least i've got my trusty team to keep me motivated. the cookies don't hurt, either.
now... i don't mean to sound sappy, and in fact me mentioning this is more out of annoyance than nostalgia... but seriously. the smell of phoenix has been EVERYWHERE lately. EVERYWHERE. drives me absolutely batty. i think it's in my pores or something. maybe i need a long, hot bath.
*sigh*
life is good right now. strange as usual, but good. wait... strange as usual... that's a contradiction.
dammit. it's too true!!
me and my dichotomies. gotta love it.
missing people today. a bit sentimental. why do my friends have to live so far away? smelly's been in some weird moods lately. girls are so dumb to him. i wish i could just make it better. it hurts to watch and not be able to help. or not even watch, but just hear about it from michael. it's just not fair. he deserves so much more than hurt. SO much more.
okay... starting to get into my real feelings. let's leave those for another, less-exhausted day... shall we?
off to finally get some dinner after a meaningless study table (NO ONE COMES!! grrrr...) so i'll have energy for two hours of spirituality with some amazing women.
love for all. | | comments: Leave a comment |
| | Current Music: | today has been okay... emiliana torrini | | Time: | 01:15 am | | Current Mood: | okay |
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| and yes...
today has been okay.
it's been packed... a lot of sociology for one day. i shouldn't have put it off so long, but when i think back there's really no other time i could've gotten it all done. it's hard to balance with this front-loaded weeks.
i've been dealing with more interesting questions lately. where should i go and what should i do? hah.
well for now, i'll sleep. i think i just needed to post to remind myself that today has been okay. so that when i look back on this time in my life i acknowledge that yeah, it was rough, but heck. i'm tough. and heck, there's been some amazingness in my life lately too.
let's just sit with that for dreams tonight.
today has been okay and maybe tomorrow will be wonderful.
"all the same i miss you... today has been okay... today has been okay."
man this grey's anatomy music is addictive... SERIOUSLY, i think it's time for an intervention! ;-) | | comments: 1 comment or Leave a comment |
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